Thursday, September 07, 2006
Rambling reflections on a school night
Junior year. Where has the time gone? I'm already half-way finished with college. I feel as though I should know more than I do. Freshmen are awed by my class standing (and the fact that I'm from southern california); yet I feel extremely unconfident, unprepared, and really, really unsure. I really don't know as much as they think I do. There is SO much to know, and I have barely scratched the surface. Well, as the old saying goes, "The more you know, the more you know how much you don't know." So true. So many people have so much confidence in me; I wonder what they see. I only see an insignificant student whose peers are much more confident, much more comfortable, much more successful in remembering things, much more personable. But how do others percieve me? Do they see a confident, relaxed, intellectual, personable young woman? If they do, I sure put up a good front. I am so unsure of myself in so many ways. I've always been like that; Dad has always told me to have confidence in myself and my abilities. But it's so hard when you see others' successes and strengths. It's interesting that it's so easy to see others' strengths, yet so hard to see one's own. This is a good time to discover and develop one's own strengths. I am only half-way through college and I have already discovered things about myself. The rest of my time here at school can be used for refinement.
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3 comments:
Stephanie,
I know the real you. You're doing just fine in the "intellectual, personable young woman" department. I have absolutely no reason to suspect that college is not having the desired "education" and "socialization" effects on you. Maturity and confidence take time and work in subtle ways: you cannot change the way you think about the world by thinking about thinking about it. It takes experience: you just have to do, and you seem to be doing fine.
Oh, and don't ever stop discovering things about yourself.
My thoughts of me exactly. Thanks for phrasing them more coherently than I would. -)
I c somthing in you, that I'm sure everyone else sees too! A woman of God, who, as well as others, go through times that seem never-ending and unpromising. Think about it, remember when you first started college? What about now? What about next year? Everyone can thinnk of a million things they want to know, they want to do, they want to be. Girl, you have more than a year before you graduate! Yeah, sure, looking back and seeing the memories are great! But what about what's to come? There are so many opportunites that you have right now at college that you can grasp! What do you feel unsure about? Pray about those things, and maybe you'll see a way how you can strengthen them! You are a daughter of God, and a beautiful, wise one, at that! God will help you in ways you've never excpected, Trust Him. I love you, and can't wait to see you soon, you're like my big sister! Luvs!
~Jen
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