Lord, why me??

So last year sometime, some guy here at school told me that my eyes were so blue, he wanted to dive in. Creepy beepy.

Just last week, a similar incident occurred. I was at the police department to get fingerprinted for my internship. The lady at the counter, while glancing over my paperwork, asked if I had been married before, to which I responded a firm, "No." I then went to sit in the waiting area. The man next to me was wearing a gray undershirt type thing, cargo camo shorts, white tennis shoes with no socks, and suspenders. Yes, suspenders and army shorts. He was probably around 65 or so, and it didn't look like his personal hygiene was of too much import to him. My initial thought was, "I hope I'm safe here," but then I remembered that I was in the police department. Problem solved.
He started off the conversation by saying, "I'm glad to hear that you weren't so stupid as to get married." I assured him that I was still rather young, only 20. He informed me that he once had a wife, but her husband came and took her away. Fabulous. What am I supposed to say? "I'm sorry"? So I tried to nod sympathetically, and I think I uttered a small, "Oh."
He then remarked on my freckles and their abundance. I made some lame-o comment in response. He goes on to tell me that he has always found freckles rather sexy. I about cried. Thankfully, I was called in to get fingerprinted soon thereafter, so I was saved from any more trauma.

I was getting my makeup done at the mall a week or two ago, and the lady told me I had the most defined, exquisite lips she had ever seen.

My ocean-blue eyes, my sexy freckles, and my exquisite lips... good thing I'm not married yet; I just know he would have married me simply for my looks! He wouldn't have known how dumb I am... I set off my smoke detector by steaming something in the bathroom last Friday.